


Cliché

by Waynesgrayson



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Blood and Gore, Fix-It, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Male-Female Friendship, Mild Gore, Post-Movie(s), Undercover, Violence, movie verse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-10
Updated: 2015-03-10
Packaged: 2018-03-17 04:50:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3515939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Waynesgrayson/pseuds/Waynesgrayson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>People have died because of them. Innocents, and people who never deserved it. Too many to count.<br/>Eggsy tries not to think about it much, knowing that the grief that comes with a body count that large would destroy him.<br/>He wonders how Harry felt walking out of that Church.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cliché

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know about you guys, but I love clichés.
> 
> This is 100% movie verse.

After the evasion of the end of the world, it's a while before Eggsy can take up a seat at the Kingsman table. According to Merlin, it would be virtually pointless making him re-do training, and even though the organization was blown to shit at the moment, he still insisted on following some protocol.

At first Eggsy was in disbelief. He wanted nothing more then to pick up a gun, don a suit, and put a bullet in between the eyes of the world. But then again, that was the adrenaline talking.

Though that didn't stop him from borrowing the suit for something very important. He'll forever be in Merlin's debt for giving him a house so he could get his family out of their own personal hell hole.

Once he came down from his high and resurfaced from what had felt like death, but turned out to be a days worth of sleeping, he understood and respected what Merlin was saying. He remembered he wasn't the only one who lost something from this.

He knew that outside of what he's done, there are people who killed and harmed their loved ones. Their hearts heavy with a grief and their mind coming up blank on how it all happened, but stuck with that gut feeling that they caused it. Eggsy wonders if the police will do anything about it, or if they can at all. Or if it would be the FBI's or CIA's or whatever black shade, tight lip, pole up the ass organization would have to crack this. He's fairly certain that it will be up to The Kingsman to fix this. He's not sure how, with so few of them left.

In the end he doesn't ask. He never really wanted to know the answer anyway.

\--

After that night neither talk about it. It's acknowledged, and sometimes they see it in each other faces. The feeling of betrayal and not fully understanding, radiating off their skin, the look in their eyes far away and their expressions serious.

Eggsy catches Merlin sometimes. The man is solid, one of the toughest people Eggsy has ever met, but he's still human. Eggsy knows betrayal and defeat and being lost, but he wonders if it feels the same to Merlin. He wants to know how it feels to him, having the rug pulled out from underneath him. Having the wool pulled over his eyes. Seeing the people he loves being turned to ashes by the people he's meant to trust.

Eggsy knows that The Kingman love, if their reactions to their partners falling is anything to go by. If his father was anything. His mum use to talk about his father. Not a lot, but enough that Eggsy grew up understanding that he was a good and loving man, granted mysterious and sometimes distant. But loving all the same.

Eggsy still wishes he'd had the chance to know him, but part of him is glad that this was how things turned out. He thinks that with his father alive he still could have become a Kingsman. But then again, he will never know another time.

And if he's going to be brutally honest with himself, he loves these people too dearly to know them under any other circumstances.

It isn't healthy to pretend that nothing ever affects you. On the field it's a different story, always being calm and collected and cool in a way that attracts. Confident in a way that allows your partner to trust you when you're both two seconds away from being used as target practice.

But being human.

Being fragile, and scared, and wrecked allows ties to strengthen and for people to understand and grow with one another. You can hide how you feel from someone and think you're protecting them and yourself. And maybe in a way you are. But think about how that other person feels. They know your face and your voice, and maybe your drink of choice, but they may as well be trusting a stranger.

\--

He moves his mum and Daisy into the new house. It's a few doors away from Harry's, and Eggsy tries not to think about it too much. Or about him for that matter. He owes the man too much and he will always hate that he never got to say goodbye, or even give him a proper thank you.

That the last thing he did was disappoint Harry.

He hated himself for it. For allowing himself to fail when he was so close to changing his life for the better. But he knows that he wouldn't have shot J.B. He wasn't ever going to take that kind of chance, not when he doesn't have to.

So he swallows the knowledge of Harry's disappointment and let's it set at the back of his mind. He can't deal with it right now. He has a family to settle in.

\--

He wakes up in a cold sweat, Harry's name stuck in his throat. He's shaking, but he forces himself to turn over and go back to sleep. It's difficult with the images of that day playing behind his eyes lids like an old film; dark and faulty, but still effective.

Watching Harry destroy the lives of so many people was easily one of the most horrifying things he has ever seen. Eggsy knew that they weren't good people, but he was still horrified as he watched severed heads roll on the floor and blood splatter the walls as people hacked away into each others brains with their fingers.

Part of him was glad that he didn't see Harry. That the feed came from his glasses. He didn't want to think about how animalistic Harry would have looked, covered with blood. He knows that Harry would have been beautiful either way, but the man impaling others with broken bits of bench wasn't Harry. Eggsy just needs to remind himself that.

He wonders if Harry said anything more before he was shot. Saying something in the tiny window he had. If his last words were covered up by his screaming.

\--

One night he watches Pretty Woman.

“Oh my god, I'm the prostitute.”

\--

He's working at an auto yard. It's small and reeks of cigarettes and rubber, but it's oddly comforting. The work is repetitive and there are enough bumps to keep him on his toes. It's not saving the world, but he still feels good about it.

The Kingsman keeps his family well off despite him not being an official agent, but Eggsy couldn't sit on his ass all day - and the work grounds him.

Then he gets a call.

\--

After six months of being gone, Eggsy walks through the doors of the shop once again. Roxy is waiting for him with a huge grin on her face. She's dressed up in a suit much like the one he wore when they saved the world, all clean and proper looking. Her glasses are perched on her head like sunglasses and Eggsy can almost see Merlin rolling his eyes. She's nothing short of stunning.

There are somethings that he can't tell his other friends, and having Roxy with him has stopped him from exploding with details and news. He knows he would never tell a soul, but the itch is always there.

She understands it, she gets it in a way that no one else will ever be able to. There is Merlin, but Eggsy

has a feeling it would take quite a lot to get him out of his lab and be social with him of all people.

So they latch onto each other. She comes over after missions and spends hours telling him every word said and every detail she'd seen, and he tells her about the shop.

They watch movies and laugh and tell secrets and desires, spending the night laying across from each other, taking in each others presence, being glad that they have someone.

She figures it out eventually, and when she asks about it he isn't prepared for the wall of emotions that slam into his heart. She holds him through the tears, rocking him back and forth as he repeats “I loved him” into the curve of her neck. They don't talk about it after, but if she holds his hand a little tighter, and takes extra care to make sure he's okay, he isn't about to complain.

“Ready?” she says, barely able to contain her joy, her eyes alive with the promise of mischief and excitement.

He looks around the quiet and beautiful shop. The man at the desk glares at him for a moment before turning back to whatever is in front of him. It tugs at his heart, looking around. But he's ready. He takes a deep breath and smiles.

“Fuck yeah.”

\--

He's given the title of Galahad.

He feels honoured yet unworthy.

\--

His favourite missions became those that require him and Roxy to blend in with students. Especially when it feels like they have the night off. Yelling lyrics at each other as the bass shakes the speakers, dancing with wild abandon and enjoying the feel and press of strangers bodies against his own.

He feels free in these moments, twirling Roxy around so she can cut across to the other side of the dance floor towards their target. He watches her leave and makes a show of checking her out, his approval in the way he bites his lip and sways his hips against the girl that takes her spot.

As the music builds up he laughs, the crowd calming down enough so when the beat drops they all jump together. There is something all too satisfying about the feel of it all, he feels apart of something big when he's in a crowd full of strangers, all there for the life of it all.

He's still on alert though, always making sure he knows where Roxy is, as well as their target. Tonight it's up to Roxy's seduction expertise and Eggsy is okay with that, sending a grin over his shoulder as man presses his crotch into the curve of his ass, their hips swaying in time with the music.

Moment's later a hand trails up his stomach to his chest, and he doesn't have to look to know it's Roxy.

He smiles as she presses forward, her hands coming to wrap around his neck. She peers at the man behind him, who is currently trying to get off by grinding his erection against Eggsy's ass and thigh.

“Sorry, loverboy!” she shouts over the music and grabs Eggsy by the hem of his shirt, pushing them through the crowd.

They reach an alley and walk side by side in silence. After a minute, Roxy hip checks him and laughs as he stumbles a bit. “That was fun.” she says, smiling as she waves a USB stick around, one she didn't have not even five minutes ago.

He nods, returning her smile. “It was.”

Her look then turns serious, and he knows she's thinking, and he knows that she's missing something she's never really known.

“You think that if things went differently we could have just been two kids at a party, having fun?”

He raises an eyebrow. “We can still have that. We get time off, you know.”

That wasn't completely true. They were two out of maybe a dozen agents. Merlin weeded out those that were under Valentines persuasion, leaving The Kingsman stretched. He and Roxy have been working nonstop ever since.

“Yeah, I know, but-” she falters, frowning, thinking again. “Sometimes I wish I could turn it off and have fun without the worry.” she sighs.

He nods again and takes her hand. When she presses against his side he kisses the top of her head.

When they reach the end of the alleyway a taxi appears, and they climb in without a word.

\--

They really shouldn't be getting drunk. Not when their job requires nothing but the best from them, always. He knows Merlin will shake his head and scold them, but in this moment Eggsy doesn't care. He feels good. Really good, and he laughs as they spin together to the club music on his iPod, jumping and dancing from roof top to roof top, singing off key to each other.

Later, when they've crash in his bed, Roxy in his spare pj's, her eyes heavy and blood shot she asks, “Whats being in love feel like?”

The question hurts, but there is enough alcohol is his body to numb him.

“It feels like floating and falling all at once, never knowing which will be your end.”

\--

Someone should have told him that running with a brief case was harder then a gun, especially when he has to juggle both, and that someone should have been Merlin. Eggsy wants to yell at the man through his ear piece, but he's too busy making sure that Roxy is still behind him, and that he isn't about to run them into any surprises.

He isn't entirely sure how they were caught. One moment they were all Mr And Mrs Smith on the situation, and the next thing he knew he and Roxy are back to back with their guns raised and pointed, a briefcase tucked under his arm.

They kill those they must, and escape as smoothly as possible. But like always, there are more goons to take down, seemingly multiplying from nothing.

Roxy shoots a man in between the eyebrows and they both run over his body, dodging bullets from behind as best they can.

He almost stops when she shouts out in surprise - in pain. But her voice is just behind him when she shouts, “Keep going! It's just a graze!”

“Merlin,” he yells as they run, “we're about be to properly fucked if we don't get a break.”

The man doesn't say anything, but Eggsy knows he's been heard. He waits another minute before yelling for the man again. This time, he's answered, “Hold on another minute. You may want to take cover. I'll count you down.”

“Fucking where? It's a hallway!” he yells whipping his head around to look at Roxy. She's lost her heels along the way, blood trickling down her arm. She looks pale despite the bronze complexion she had to don.

Merlin is counting down in his ear and he can't help but panic. He trusts this man with his life but that's not going to stop him from cursing the man to hell and back.

When Merlin reaches to ten, Eggsy feels hands on his arm and is forcefully pushed through an opening. He ungracefully lands on his side and Roxy tumbles over top of him a second later. When Merlin reaches one, Eggsy hears the beginning of an explosion and flips them around, covering Roxy's body with his own, making sure she curls up under him. He feels the heat of the flames around his ankles and tries his best to take as much of it as he can.

\--

In the end they get Merlin the briefcase, and he and Roxy spend the night in the infirmary.

\--

He visits his grave as often as he can. Sometimes it's not for months and when he shows up he feels like he did when Harry told him the bullet was blank. He doesn't say much. Mostly, it's because he doesn't know where to start, but he does know that he wants nothing more then to be able to tell him in person. To experience it all with him, to patch him up after a mission like Roxy always does, or call him out on his shit like with a quip whispered in his ear like Merlin.

To simply be with him.

“The things I would do to see you again.”

\--

There are no missions for the week, so he and Roxy use it as an opportunity to train and work out.

Merlin ends up kicking them out of the interrogation room when they stop trying to work on controlling and seeing micro expressions and start laughing and taking stupid pictures.

Apparently showing off and intimidating the potentials is also not allowed.

He thinks about Harry and his display at the pub and wants to argue, but decides against it. Especially when Merlin looks more fond then annoyed.

\--

They coax Merlin out of his lab and to the pub, and while they don't learn much about him, Eggsy feels a happiness he hasn't allowed himself in a while. Sitting between the two, he feels like he's floating.

He never wants to think about the fall.

\--

Eggsy feels odd being out with a new recruit. He feels like he's left the house without something and he's sorely tempted to call Merlin and have him give Roxy over. As much as he wants to, he knows he can't. Merlin needs to put experience on his agents. Needs them to be able to navigate these streets with accuracy, grow use to him whispering in their ear, and understand that they are never left alone.

In order to do that he has paired the two new recruits with Eggsy and Roxy, and all four are now in an intense game of hide and seek, Merlin at the helm of it all.

Eggsy does his best to calm his new recruit. He's good at hiding it, but Eggsy sees his nervousness.

He places a hand on his shoulder and smiles. “Remember your training, you'll be fine.”

The recruit smiles back, still nervous, but looks a bit better then he did when they just stood in silence.

Before the silence stretches on this time, the recruit sticks out his hand, “Jeremy - I mean Safir.”

“Eggsy-” is all he says before a bullet is lodged in the wall, between them. He lets a shark like grin take over his face, “Looks like the game's begun.”

\--

The next night they all go out to a movie. Roxy wanting to show the recruits - Eliza and Jeremy - that life doesn't always revolve around The Kingsman. That they can still live and not feel so closed in.

She and Eggsy try and get Merlin to tag along, but the man declines. He has an odd look in his eyes and he's talking in fast but hushed tones to someone on the phone while working on a small, white, sphere.

Eggsy wants to ask him about it, but before he can Roxy is pulling him away from the door.

He doesn't allow himself a glance behind.

\--

Merlin is looking at him.

Well, both him and Roxy, but in this moment it's his turn to endure the calm yet slightly worrying look in Merlin's eyes. There's a spark there and Eggsy has no idea what it means.

He's quickly becoming impatient, but before he can open his mouth to tell Merlin to get on with whatever he has to say, Merlin talks.

“We have an Arthur.”

They both know that there is something more to it, but they never ask.

\--

Months go by and none of the agents meet him. They get Arthur’s orders through Merlin, and no one dares question him about it.

Another joins the ranks. His name is Chester.

\--

Eggsy almost laughs when he's assigned to seduce an older, charming, and wealthy man in a suit.

He's beautiful, and Eggsy feels disgusted when he's attracted to him. Like he's betraying Harry.

When he gets the Intel they need, he goes home and washes the taste of the mans tongue out of his mouth.

\--

This mission is unlike anything he's ever done, and he knows Roxy is thinking the same. No men with guns, or woman with sharp nails and quick tongues. No expensive bars or crowds with red solo cups.

They're not even in Kingman wear. Their regular street clothes would do, according to Merlin.

They're currently in room 40B of the cities hospital. A woman who looks to be in her eighties is in bed, hooked up to all sorts of machines. Tubes in her nose, and her arms. A heart monitor beeping quickly behind her. She has white hair and kind eyes, and she's already made him laugh.

Her name is Mrs. Morofski. Eggsy likes her, and he almost feels bad for the nature of their visit.

“I always knew someone would be coming for this.” The woman says, holding up a floppy disc. Eggsy wonders for a moment if Merlin even has the technology to use it. But he shakes those thoughts, of course Merlin would. “But I always assumed I would be killed for it.”

Roxy reaches over and holds her hand, threading their fingers together. “We're not here to kill you. We just want to make sure this doesn't fall into the wrong hands. We'll be able to keep it safe.”

“They will come for me.”

“And we will protect you.”

“Oh, dear.”Mrs. Morofski says, her eyes welling with tears. “Thank you, but I'm afraid I'm ready to go. I will accept my death with open arms.”

\--

People have died because of them. Innocents, and people who never deserved it. Too many to count.

Eggsy tries not to think about it much, knowing that the grief that comes with a body count that large would destroy him.

He wonders how Harry felt walking out of that Church.

A Kingsman named Oscar dies, and Eggsy can't help but feel that it's unfair.

There was nothing they could have done, he knows this. Oscar had lost too much blood.

Roxy squeezes his hand and he squeezes back as they watch his coffin being lowered. Poetic words are given from the priest, stories and memories from his loved ones. Gun shots ring out by men in uniform and words are yelled out, though Eggsy hears none of it.

Mrs. Morofski is still alive, and the men who wanted to kill her are now dead.

Oscar died a hero's death.

\--

He sits at Harry's gave, leaning against the headstone. He doesn't say a word until pinks and oranges start colouring the sky. Before standing he presses a kiss to his name.

“I miss you.”

\--

There are two large empty pizza boxes on the table in front of them. Roxy is curled up on the couch, a blanket covering her, and she's watching the movie through tired eyes.

A building in the film explodes, obviously meant to be a shock, but neither of them bat an eye. After a few minutes he feels Roxy watching him, and he looks at her with a raised eyebrow.

She bites her lip and he knows she's contemplating whether or not she's going to tell him something. He waits, knowing she'll tell.

“I have a crush on someone.” is all but whispered into her blanket.

The grin that breaks his face is instantaneous, and in the next couple of hours he learns that the girl of her affections is beautiful and smart, that she has dark skin, and freckles all over her face, and a tattoo of a birds silhouette on the inside of her arm.

He's never seen Roxy blush before, not when handsome men are fawning over her and whispering their desires in her ear as she plays them effortlessly, not even when old ladies compliment her when they're standing in line for food at the mall.

He decides that he like this girl - Carla.

He asks when she's planing on asking Carla out and when she covers her face with her hands and groans out “Shut up.” Eggsy can't help but laugh.

\--

They're sitting close together in a crowed cafe. It's early morning, and it's full of students in need of caffeine and suits talking over each other in Bluetooths, barking demands and closing deals all before their coffee is made.

Jeremy is stroking his cheek, sitting halfway in his lap. He's looking at Eggsy with a practiced lust and Eggsy spares a second to think about how far he's come. Eggsy leans forward and kisses him again, this time keeping it more slow and sweet. After all, they do have a show to put on.

Eggsy knows that the perv they need is watching them. Seeing them as two twinks and something he'll get off to later. Not this time though.

Eggsy continues to kiss Jeremy, but turns his head and catches the eye of their target. He's watching them with barely hidden desire and his jaw is seconds away from dropping. Eggsy winks at him before pulling Jeremy's mouth away from his own and leaning down to kiss his neck.

He knows that Jeremy is now watching the man, probably biting his lips as he arches his neck to give Eggsy access.

No one else but that man is giving them attention, it's not unheard of to find two boys necking in the corner of shops. Not these days. So they continue for a while, enticing the man. Making sure they have him where they need him, and that when they both get up to leave he'll follow, and when they flirt and lead him down an alley with the promise of immense pleasure they'll take what they need, and then kill him.

\--

Sitting alone in his room, Eggsy wonders what it would have felt like to kiss Harry like that. Not caring that they have an audience, caught up in each other in a way that allows nothing else to break through. To kiss and caress and touch and feel good. He wants to know if there was ever a chance for them to have that. If that could have been their mission.

Their future.

His heart is aching now, as he thinks about waking up next to Harry, fixing his collar, wiping a spec of blood off of his glasses. What it would feel like to hold his hands and rub his thumb across his knuckles. The sounds he would make while in bed, and if he snored once asleep.

His heart is burning, and his head hurts from all of his crying.

He thinks about calling Roxy, but decides against it.

She isn't what he needs right now.

\--

He feels drunk though he's not. His head is pounding, and the coolness of the headstone against his forehead is very welcome.

He starts talking. About Roxy, about Merlin and the newly established Kingman operative. He tells stories of the countries he's seen, the things he's done. Even his nights with Roxy - including the disaster that was Karaoke night. He laughs through his tears at that, telling Harry that she's his best friend.

He tells him about his feelings. Touching on his fears, and desires.

He tells him he loves him.

Before he knows it he's no longer talking. Just staring out into the dark, his eyes dry and the phantom feel of tear tracks down his face.

“I just want you to come back.”

\--

“What do you think he wants?”

Roxy shakes her head. They're walking together down a busy street, navigating their way through clumps of people, tracking their target with ease. “Not sure. But we won't know until later. Best to just stick to the task at hand.”

“Perfect plan, Lancelot.” is said in their ears, and Eggsy makes an annoyed face.

“Why can't you tell us now?”

“I believe you have files to procure, Galahad. Do as your partner instructs.”

This mission is more do then act. It's simple; cause chaos and swipe the files from her in all the confusion.

All it takes it a few bullets in the air to cause panic. People begin pushing and shoving others in order to get to safety, and just like anticipated the purse of their target is knocked off her shoulder as she's pushed and Roxy wastes no time in walking out, picking it up and blending back into the crowd of crazed citizens.

It takes no more then half an hour.

\--

He has a feeling Merlin is drawing it out because he hates him. The man never has a lot to say unless it's into an earpiece and Eggsy is struggling to not openly glare at the man.

He's been talking for over ten minutes about the Kingsman operative and all that it entails. Spinning line after line until Eggsy stops trying to hide his displeasure. The smile he receives when Merlin notices only makes him more certain that the man is doing it to bother him.

Before long Merlin is done making Eggsy want to stab himself in the face with one of Roxy's pens and he breaks the new as to why they're all there.

“After Paris, you all will meet Arthur.”

\--

“Fucking finally.” Eggsy says once he and Roxy exit the room. “Almost two years as Arthur and we're finally going to see their face.”

She nods, and leads them outside, they begin walking towards a bakery that has the best pastries Eggsy has ever had in his life. They never went often, but whenever they did he felt like a kid in a candy shop, picking and choosing flavour after flavour until they left with embarrassingly heavy bags.

“It has been a long time. I was beginning to think their identity would always remain a mystery.”

“You think it has to do with how easily the other Arthur was swayed towards evil?”

“Possibly.” She smiles at him when he opens the bakery door for her, bowing slightly and gesturing her inside. “After you.”

She laughs. “Why thank you.”

\--

They return after a month. He doesn't know how he's going to explain his absence to his mum, though he's fairly certain that she knows it's something along the lines of what his father did.

The tailor rouse is shit against split lips and black eyes.

The mission wasn't the easiest, but he enjoyed himself nonetheless. Fancy restaurants and expensive suits and wines. Woman in revealing dresses and men without care. It was enticing and exciting, and he quickly found himself becoming addicted to the way the culture called. The language flowing out in seductive purrs and dirty moans as he and the rest worked on their targets, getting information and occasionally taking people out. And if every once and a while he found himself in someones bed, well, who could blame him.

He also had hundreds of pictures on his camera of him and Roxy out and about, posing in front of land marks and street performers. They could easily pass for tourists and technically they were. Roxy even bought an I heart Paris t-shirt and an Eiffel tower pencil sharpener.

The house is dark when the taxi pulls up in front of it, and he's not surprised. It's late. Very late, and he knows it'll be another night of sneaking in and then pretending he was never gone at breakfast, skillfully avoiding his mums questions and worried looks. He hates not telling her, but he isn't about risk all of this, not again.

Once the door is shut behind him, he's instantly on edge. The house feels different and he knows that he and his family are not the only ones here.

He pulls a gun out of the holster strapped to his back and cocks it as quietly as he can. He slowly makes his way down the hallway until he reaches the dining room doorway. He pauses for a moment and takes a deep breath. When he lets it out he steps in, gun up and ready, though that doesn't matter, because the sight in front of him almost makes him drop it.

His head starts to ache. Starting in the centre of his brain, sweeping out and it takes no time at all for it to be pounding in his skull. He feels numb and like a live wire all at once, his skin becoming cold with shock and his heart pounding almost painfully in his chest.

It's finally happened, this job has finally taken him 'round the bend, because in front of him is Harry Hart.

He starts to laugh. It's high and loud and Eggsy feels like he's slipping from reality. He's becoming dizzy and can feel himself start to sway. He decocks his gun with shaky hands and places it on the nearest surface, not trusting himself with something so dangerous.

He rubs his eyes with his palms until his eyes can't take the pressure anymore, and he startles when he sees that Harry's still there. But isn't he a trick of the mind?

He tries to say something but realizes he can't. The words thickening in his throat, making it hard to breathe. His eyes are wide, almost comical, but are full of emotion and magnified by tears. His heart is racing, trying so hard to pound out of his chest, and he's fairly certain his brain is about to short circuit.

He finds himself wanting to cry.

So he does.

Harry walks towards him, his face is full of worry. He's searching Eggsy's face, looking for something and Eggsy feels lost and confused. He wants to yell at his brain to stop, but he can't and he feels himself wanting to run, but his legs won't cooperate. He feels like he's going to be split in half.

He stands there waiting in torturous anticipation until Harry is a hairsbreadth away. It's too close and somehow not close enough, and Eggsy can't help but reach out with a shaky hand, needing to touch. He wants to touch the eye patch covering Harry's left eye, but he doesn't. He's afraid to.

Harry closes his eye when Eggsy cups his cheek and he leans into the touch. Eggsy feels like his legs are about to give out.

The tears are hot down his face as he stares at the man in front of him. He feels unreal, but he looks like his memories and all he wants is to be held in his arms and be told that everything is going to be all right now.

Harry opens his eye and watches him back. The man looks crushed, and Eggsy can't help but feel glad that he's not the only one who's a wreck. But the overwhelming feeling of knocking that expression off and making him smile, or even look indifferent was stronger.

Though it looked like tonight wasn't going to be the night for hidden emotions. All their cards are on the table face up, and Eggsy is finally able to let out a sob when Harry says in a gentle voice, “I'm not suppose to see you. Not until it's time.”

Eggsy feels defeated at that, even more so then before. He knows he should ask what he means by that, but his mind is nothing right now. “I thought gentlemen were patient.”

Harry smiles at that.“I could have waited.”

When he stops Eggsy feels like he might faint. His heart is pounding too fast and his brain is on overdrive. “But?” he asks, his voice a whisper.

Harry looks at him, a ghost of a smile on his lips. “But, I didn't want to.”

They stand in silence for a while, staring at each other. Eggsy feels the strong urge to look away but he can't bring himself to, afraid that if he does Harry will be gone.

“If I could change anything, if I had seen it coming,” Harry's words are soft, and Eggsy feels his heart leap into his throat, “my last words to you would have been I love you.”

Eggsy cries openly when Harry gathers him in his arms, holding him close. He feels Harry press kisses to top of his head and he feels frustrated at that. He moves, tilting his head up so he can look at the man. A moment passes and they're both looking at each other but then Harry moves closer, and Eggsy closes his eyes and the anticipation is almost too much to bear, sending electricity down his arms and spine and pooling in his stomach.

When Harry kisses him it's soft and gentle. It's so careful and Eggsy wants to push forward and demand more from him but at the moment he doesn't think he can. So they kiss until they need air, and when they break Eggsy feels like he's floating.

\--

When Monday rolls around, Eggsy isn't sure how he feels. He woke up alone, and that scared him more then he would ever admit. He feels sick and he goes through his morning routine without really being there. He feels far away, distant. He can still feel Harry's hands on his body, his lips on his, and hear his words in his mind. But he can't help but question himself, wondering if it was all real.

It wasn't until Roxy comes to stand beside him that he realizes he's at the tailors, just standing at the front of the store with a blank look on his face.

She regards at him for moment before putting an arm around him.“Hey, you all right?”

He nods. The movement is jerky and when she raises an eyebrow he knows that there is no point in even trying with her. “I'll tell you later, okay?”

She looks concerned, but she nods and leads them to the back room.

\--

“As you all know, Valentines plans were deep rooted. Our senior agents have spent these last few years working through and fixing the damages he caused to the best of their abilities.” Merlin is standing at the head of the table. Not every chair is filled, but enough of the table is taken up that it makes Eggsy feel pride in what they've all been able to do in just a few years.

He was surprised to not see the new Arthur right away. He and Roxy both exchanged looks when no one was sitting at the head of the table, and he was tempted to ask Merlin if they were no longer meeting Arthur. But once everyone took a seat, the man started talking. Eggsy wonders if this Arthur just wants a dramatic entrance, and figures a long speech about the Kingsman by Merlin was the way to go. Or if this was actually important. He thought about tuning Merlin out, but the need to know who Arthur is, is keeping him alert.

“While we can't say that the issue has been tied up for good, we can say that it's stable.” Merlin looks around the room, taking in everyone. “I believe I have said enough.”

“Nonsense, Merlin. We're just going to have to teach our agents to appreciate moments where you are loose lipped.”

When Harry walks into the room and takes a seat at the head of the table, Eggsy feels like he should be less surprised. He's not sure how or why he didn't piece it together when he learned that Harry wasn't dead, but then again he was too emotionally overwhelmed to think about anything other then the man himself. The fact that he's already seen the man doesn't stop him from feeling like he did days before.

He feels severally out of the loop and he knows his jaw is about to drop.

He can feel Roxy's eyes on him. She's practically burning a hole into the side of his face. He gives her a quick look and a nod, hoping she understands so they can both stop gawking about like idiots.

Thankfully she does, and they both go back to staring at Harry. Eggsy almost startles when he sees that Harry is already looking at him. He feels like he's under a microscope and part of him wants to crawl underneath the table and hide like an embarrassed child, but when Harry gives Eggsy a smile - professional, but warm all the same - Eggsy can't help but smile back.

\--

“And you didn't call me?”

Eggsy feels himself blush. They're sitting in a coffee shop in the dead of night. They're the only ones there and every once in a while a nice woman in a baby blue dress comes over to give them coffee refills. He's spent the last hour or so telling her about how he came home from Paris to find Harry Hart sitting at his dining room table.

“I was -” he stops, looking for any word to make what he and Harry were doing seem like they were doing anything but, “- busy.” he finishes lamely, and when Roxy looks at him with a blank face, all it takes is for her to raise her eyebrow slightly for him to spill.

“Okay! Okay, so we had sex. Lots and lots of sex and there were no room for thoughts of best friends during those times.”

She nods. “Who would have thought you'd be the kind to screw the boss.” she says with a grin, and Eggsy sputters a bit at that.

“What? No! I'm the prostitute.”

There is a beat of silence between them where Roxy is looking at him with a slightly worried expression. But it soon turns into another grin, and after she takes a sip of her coffee she says, “Kinky.”

\--

“How'd you do it?” he asks one night. Harry is curled around him, and he's not entirely sure if the man is already asleep or not.

“With great difficulty.”

Eggsy let's out a huff of a laugh. He doesn't want to accept that as an answer. He doesn't want this to be a mystery that he's going to have to accept. He doesn't want to leave it for his imagination to fill in the gaps and drive him insane with twisted images and thoughts. He's sure that knowing wouldn't give him any sort of peace. That it would only make him watch Harry closer then he already does. He knows he won't always be able to hold back the need to know and understand.

But for tonight he doesn't press the matter. Instead, he moves closer to Harry and allows himself to fall asleep feeling warm and content.

\--

Harry doesn't return to the field. It doesn't take a genius to realize that he's not the same as he was before. No one expects him to be, but Eggsy can tell that it bothers Harry way more then he lets on. Not that he's complaining or anything, because he's not. But every once in a while he'll get this far away look in his eyes and there isn't anything Eggsy can do to bring him back to the present. All he can do is hold him through the nightmares and tell him that he's brilliant after a well executed mission.

Harry doesn't use a gun anymore, either. He still has them of course - two strapped to his back. But he hesitates in a way he never has before, and Eggsy hates hearing Merlin tell him that they can't afford that type of hesitation in the field.

He's still one of the best agents the Kingsman has ever had. Eggsy just wishes Harry could see that.

\--

The smoke filled alleyway is the last place in the world he wants to be. He's walking alone wearing one of the tightest and the most uncomfortable outfits he's ever been in. He misses the security that comes with a three piece suit.

He can admit that he's terrified. Roxy and Eliza are on the roof tops above him, the other agents are close by and Merlin is whispering in his ear every couple of minutes. He's not alone, but he feels like he is and he it's shaking him.

The problem wasn't that the he had to dress as a hooker and walk the streets in makeup and skimpy clothing, leaving virtually nothing to the imagination. He has immense respect for the people that do this to survive. But he can't deny that he's shaken up by the amount of men - and even woman - that have already tried to buy his services. He feels sick. He feels like nothing, and if there was any way he could he would take all the ladies strutting around and take them some place safe.

This is his second week of doing this. Of making sure he's been seen night after night, getting into cars with random strangers. Lucky for him it was always other agents playing the role of your friendly neighbourhood perv, but their target didn't need to know that.

Every night he's been tempted to tell Merlin he can't do it, but they need this man and his secrets. And this man just happened to be a very big fan of picking up barely legal boys and taking them home.

Eggsy wasn't the youngest at the operative anymore, but he looked it, meaning this was his mission.

When he reaches the end of the alley and back onto the street he looks around. There are a few woman like himself spread out along the sidewalk with a few other people just walking down the street. He watches as a lady with big red hair and a purple dress gets into a brown car.

He hopes she makes it home.

He makes his way down the street, walking slow. Tonight is the night, and they all know it, so no agent has picked him up. They're waiting for a black camaro, one that revs down the street and attracts pretty much everyone's attention. While it's not the most impressive car he's seen since joining the Kingsman, it's nice enough to promise a good sum of money at the end of the night.

“One minute, Galahad.”

It's then that he hears the tell tale rumble of the mans car turning down the street. He feels himself panic for a moment, but forces it away, and plasters a sultry grin on his face as the man pulls up beside him. The window is rolled down, and he leans against the door, taking a moment to just look at the mans face, making sure Merlin sees him.

When he gets the okay, he all but purrs, “Looking for some company, sugar?”

\--

Roxy is the one that comes for him after he's killed the man. He waits for her on the street corner, clutching a USB tightly in his hand. When a taxi pulls up he gets in without a word. If she notices that he's shaking, she doesn't say anything and he's thankful for it.

\--

That night Eggsy tries to get Harry to fuck him, but the man doesn't. Instead he brings him to bed and once they're both naked and under the covers Harry simply holds him until Eggsy can't take it anymore and tells him every single one of his fears about the case.

\--

A few weeks later, Harry walks into the tailor with two eyes.

\--

He's mad. The feeling has completely taken over his body, making his skin hot and his heart feel hollow in his chest as it beats slow and steady. He feels like a live wire, just waiting for someone to touch him, to allow him to spark and explode in their face about something that isn't their fault but may as well be with his mood.

He woke up with this anger, this sickening indifference about everything. Passively making his way through their morning routine and other encounters. He can't explain where it came from or why he feels this way. He just does, and even though he feels bad when Harry gives him worried looks as he once again brushes him off, he doesn't do anything to assure him.

If their target that night ends up more bruises then needed, no one questions him. That is until Roxy grabs his arm and holds him still in front of her. She's looking at him with worry, though she also looks a bit pissed off and Eggsy has no doubt that that's all his doing.

She doesn't ask anything, and after a minute she let's him go.

“Whatever it is, talk to him.”

\--

Naturally, being the petulant child that he is, he doesn't talk to Harry about it. He ignores the amount of tension sparking between them, and goes on with life.

He hasn't slept properly in almost a month.

\--

“Are you unhappy with me?” The question catches Eggsy off guard. The night is calm and quiet, the only sound is the hum of the television playing a documentary. His mood is a bit better, but not by much. He figures Harry is asking because he isn't glued to his side like he normally is when they're on the couch, cuddling up to him as close as he can get. Eggsy is curled up on one side of the couch, absently watching the program, and Harry on the other, a book in his hands. Their feet are touching.

“What makes you think I'm unhappy with you.”

“You've been rather distant lately and I can't help but think it has something to do with me.” He turns from his book and looks at Eggsy. “Does it?”

Eggsy is still for a moment before he shakes his head. He barely looks over at Harry and he knows that he's fooling no one. But that doesn't stop him from saying,

“No.”

Harry sighs and says, “Very well. Maybe I asked the wrong question. Are you unhappy being with me.”

Eggsy physically startles at that. This time he looks over at Harry with wide eyes and look of disbelief on his face. He sits up. “Are you mental? No, I'm not. I love you.”

“Then why won't you be honest with me, and tell me what is on your mind.”

“What, so I'm not allowed to keep things to myself?”

“I never said you couldn't, but seeing how upset this 'thing' has made you, I want to do everything I can to ensure it goes away.”

“It won't.” Eggsy says under his breath, which was rather stupid all things considering, it wasn't as if Harry couldn't hear him.

“And why is that?”

Eggsy makes a point of not looking at Harry. He feels stubborn and childish, practically pouting in his seat as he hopes for some miracle that will make Harry drop the subject. But alas there is nothing. He doesn't want to do this. He wants to be left alone.

“Because it won't.”

“Care to elaborate?”

“No.”

Harry sighs again, and this time he puts his book down. He gets up and crotches in front of Eggsy, searching his face. He reaches out and places a hand on Eggsy's cheek and when he doesn't make a move to push him away, Harry continues.“Why won't you talk to me?”

Eggsy doesn't say anything, trying his best not to look at the man even though he wants to.

After a moment of silence Harry asks softly, “Does this have anything to do with me faking my death?”

When Eggsy again doesn't say anything, Harry says, “I thought we talked about that.”

Eggsy's words were water, and his anger was a dam. His anger had stopped himself from saying anything stupid, and even though it hurt to keep all of this to himself, it was better then causing any problems because of it. But Harry's words were a storm, and the dam was swept up in it leaving his words to flow freely.

“We've never talked about it! For three years I thought you were dead and when I found out you weren't I was so happy that at the time I didn't care about 'how'. And I thought that maybe you would tell me, so I didn't want to push. I wanted you to come to me and tell me on your own time, but then it became clear that you'd never do that. Why don't you trust me?”

He knows that his last sentence is a bit of a low blow. He knows that Harry trusts him - trusts him with his life. He has to in their line of work. If you didn't trust these people you may as well be already dead.

“Oh Eggsy.” is all Harry says, and Eggsy hates how much it makes him feel like a child. That doesn't stop him from responding to Harry's open arms, practically throwing himself into the man and taking

comfort from him and his embrace. “I do trust you.”

“Then why won't you tell me?”

Harry is quiet for a while, his fingers rubbing circles into Eggsy's back. He pulls back slightly and thumbs the tears off of Eggsy's cheeks. He gives Eggsy a smile, and moves them to the couch, making it so Eggsy is laying on top of him with his head resting on his chest.

Harry takes a deep breath - carding his fingers through Eggsy's hair - and begins, “Valentine never checked the body...”

\--

Because yeah. It's that kind of movie.

\--

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Whoa damn, that was a good movie.
> 
> No beta. 
> 
> Read it in Russian here: https://ficbook.net/readfic/3078647  
> Translated by: Bousguitar 
> 
> http://waynesgrayson.tumblr.com/


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